This week in Kibera: Guidelines for Wives

Last week we examined the guidelines for husbands according to the Word of God...this week we opened the Bible and discovered what God says about the roles of a wife...

We discovered 4 essential responsibilities for the wife. Responsibility #1: Commit yourself to meeting your husband's needs.

 Rose read from Titus 2:3-5 which describes God's view of how a wife should be.

During the time this letter was written women were seen as little more than mere possessions...

Josephine and Linet

 ...in many cases that is exactly the way Kenyan men see Kenyan women - they pay a bride price and in some men's minds that means they 'bought' their wife and can treat them any way they choose...

Just as in the apostle Paul's day, this is a difficult command to hear and choose to obey...

The basic needs of a husband include: 1. Husbands need help around the house - he wants to know that the home and children are well taken care of so that he can be free to fulfill his responsibilities as the husband.

 2. Husbands need sexual fulfillment...this is a basic need that many times the wife does not understand...

 ...this is the only need a man cannot legitimately fulfill outside of his marriage.  Before God, the husband has made a commitment to let his wife the the only one to satisfy this need in his life.

'Our' Josephine translating into Swahili

Rose then read from 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 which indicates that the wife's body belongs to the husband and his body belongs to her...they are not to 'deprive' one another of their conjugal rights.

 In this passage Paul is talking about the sexual responsibilities of the married couple.

 Men must be sensitive to the needs of the wife; especially when she is not able to have sex - as after childbirth when she is feeling pain and must be treated gently...

 But - it is important for the wife to not withhold sex in order to punish or manipulate the husband.

In many ways sex to a man is the same as kindness to a woman...if they are each asked to choose between sex and kindness - the man will choose sex every time!  However the woman will most likely choose to be treated with kindness...

Eliphine and Rose contemplating...

After a big fight the man will want sex as his way of saying "all is okay" but the wife just feels used, when in reality he may be saying by his actions "this is the woman I desire"...

 Need #3. Husbands need wives who care about their appearance.  It is not necessary to be a fashion model, but it is important to be well-groomed...

...wives would do well to 'study' their husbands...find out what they like; long hair or short?  casual or dressy attire?  make up or no?  Then be willing to please the husband in this way...

All of these ladies are well-groomed

 Denise read from 1 Peter 3:3,4 which talks about outward adornment versus letting your adorning be the hidden person of the heart...

 Josephine also read from her Swahili Bible...

A wife should take care of herself outwardly but that should not be her focus; a woman will create an attraction in the heart of her husband if she spends time nurturing her character...

 ...she is to be controlled in her speech, expressing an attitude of gratefulness; gentle in her approach to her children and patient with her husband in the midst of his weaknesses.

 Responsibility #2: Honor his divine calling as head over your home.

 Rose read from Eph 5:22, 23  in which Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands as the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church...

 A wife must acknowledge that her husband has been called by God to be the head of the home.

Showing honor and respect, especially when it seems undeserved can reveal God's character and love.  Indeed Light shows brightest when it is shining in the midst of darkness!

Emily - due to give birth very soon!

 There are several questions a wife must ask herself regarding how she treats her husband:

 1. Do I criticize, assault, or embarrass him in front of people or my children?

 2. Do I guard his reputation before others or tear it down?

 3. Do I undermine his authority in the home?

4. Am I constantly critical and negative about how he conducts himself?

 5. Do I see his weaknesses as a point for prayer or a point of attack?

Thinking critical thoughts even if not expressed, can and will hurt the husband and undermine the marriage...

Linet and Rachel

 Just as love is essential for a woman to feel secure in her relationship to her husband...

 ...respect is essential for a husband to feel secure with his wife.

In Eph 5:33 Paul clearly states this as an important precept.

 Responsibility #3: Follow his leadership...

  This responsibility has to do with the command for a wife to submit to her husband...

 This command is clearly stated in Eph 5:22-24, but often women have negative thoughts when they hear the word "submit"

I love Eliphine's profile!

 They may think that to submit is to be a slave, or to lose their individuality, or to admit to being inferior...

According to God's word, submission has nothing to do with a woman's personal value or significance...

 When wives refuse to follow the leadership and headship of their husbands, many problems can arise.

 The struggle many woman have in submitting to their husbands stems back to the garden and is a part of God's judgment on Adam and Eve after they sinned...

 God gave them authority to have dominion over the earth...that authority was directly tied to their submission to the will of God...they sinned when they chose not to submit.

 The order of God for the man is to exercise righteous authority and leadership, but the curse of sin encourages irresponsible leadership.

The order of God for the woman is to submit to her husband's leadership, but the curse of sin encourages a desire to control.

 Because of sin, men will forever struggle with responsible leadership...and women will forever struggle with a controlling spirit.

 Because of Christ and the indwelling power of His Spirit, both men and women can fulfill God's design through the power of His strength operating in them.

 Eph 5:21 "...submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

 When both spouses understand the power of submission, headship, authority and covering it will impact their relationship in wonderful and incredible ways...

Responsibility #4: Demonstrate admiration and respect to your husband...

 Just as a man is to love his wife so that she knows she has value in his eyes, the wife is to respect her husband to show that she values him...

 A woman's admiration of her husband will create motivation for him to change and be all he is to be for her and the family...

 Both husbands and wives have some very challenging responsibilities before God and to each other.

 After the teaching we spent some time asking the women to share about their homework from last week...

They were to ask 4 questions of their husbands for the purpose of gaining his perspective.  They were to listen without speaking, stressing to the husband that they truly desired to know his heart.

 Rose shared first...she took the paper home and the husband was dubious, stating that it was her homework not his...she explained the purpose but he was still reluctant to sit down with her.

 She decided to give him the paper stating that he could answer the questions in any way that was comfortable for him...

 He wrote the answers willingly, then later she sensed he wanted to talk...

 ...at first the conversation was based on scripture they were each reading, but soon it turned to other, more personal things...though she was disturbed to learn that the first point of support he need from her was with finances...

The ladies look expectantly to Denise to see how she will answer...

 Denise helped her to see that progress was made in that they were at least talking about it...she will need to be in prayer about how to respond to him about that...

 Susan shared that her husband stated emphatically "That's your homework!" and refused!

 So she left the paper sitting out...

.

 ...with a pen, but he just became incensed so she concluded that his answer to the question of helping her with her homework was an emphatic "no!"  I love that she has a sense of humor about it all!

 Serah chose to take the tack of "I need your help" thinking that might entice the husband...he answered "give me time''...

 Still, the time has not come yet...

 ...but maybe it will - some day!

 We then gave each lady two slips of paper to write up to two questions; about the teaching, about marriage, about family - whatever is on their hearts...

Rose

 ...next week will be composed primarily of a time of questions and answers as well as discussion...

Sarah and Josephine

"Family" and especially marriage is a huge topic and we anticipate there will be many questions and much discussion next week!

Elida, Consolata and Emily

 We have read through the questions which were handed in and there are indeed some heavy topics!

Susan (she has cataracts so struggles to see)

 They were asked to write in either English or Swahili as Josephine is able to translate the Swahili for us - that allowed some of the ladies, like Rachel to express themselves fully...

Rachel

 We are aware of marital issues in the lives of some of these ladies

Linet

Once we had collected their questions, we handed out this week's homework questions, which are...

1. Which of the 4 responsibilities of a wife do you struggle with the most?  Why?

 2. What do you complain about or criticize the most in your husband? How could you show honor and respect instead?    3. In what ways do you try to control your husband?

 4. In the past what has been your understanding of "submission"? After this week's teaching do you have a different perspective?  Why?

 5. What one change could you make, starting today, that would improve your marriage?

Then came prayer requests; Rose has a rash that is getting better, but she needs prayer and will try to also see a doctor.

Serah shared a testimony about a pregnant lady she ministered to who had tried unsuccessfully to abort 5 times...God used Serah to help the lady see it was better to have this baby...she gave birth just 3 days earlier to a healthy baby boy!

 Susan's latest teaching opportunity was Sunday when she taught about the roles of a husband.  She then copied her handout to give to a young man so he will know how to be a godly husband.

 Linet's son, Gilbert (in class 8) is sitting exams next week...

...she also asked for prayer for all class 8 students sitting exams...

 Rachel is praising God for physical healing in her household...we prayed over her family last week - her husband had also prayed over the children...

Josephine praised God for keeping her safe during her recent trip up country...

 After prayers is a time of connecting, praising God and encouraging each other...

Denise applauding Susan for passing on the teachings

 ...a loving embrace and words of encouragement...

 Elijah's artwork!  One of the ladies said it looks like he drew flowers for me :)

 Each week I write the words for the ladies to fill in the blanks on the handout...

Elida is a tailor.  She brought some beautiful fabrics in case any of the ladies wanted a dress made :)

 

Susan and Rachel

This is a profound study; one that is already having an impact on these ladies, their husbands, their families, their churches and even their communities.  We give praise and glory to God!